HIV INFECTION AND ITS EFFECTS ON INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS: HELPLESSNESS, DEPENDENCY, AND CONTROL-WHAT YOU CANNOT CONTROL, RELABEL
Some people maintain control by what mental health professionals call refraining or relabeling. Relabeling means looking at situations in such a way that they seem benign or comforting or controllable. Try paying attention not to where your family or friends fail you, but to where they help. Try calling something a challenge rather than a struggle, a preference rather than a need. If the disadvantages of a situation are undeniable, so are the advantages. When June’s son had to quit driving, he said that although he felt frustrated at being unable to drive, he also now had extra money to spend on things he enjoyed. Dean was pleased that doctors caught an infection of cryptococcal meningitis early before he began getting the headaches he’d seen his friends endure. Dean also said that now that his partner has had to take over more of his care, they spend more time together and have become closer: “My being sick has made us closer, made us cherish our time together. It’s not depending, it’s mutual caring.” People with HIV infection who have to quit work say they are happy to have more time to spend on gardening, developing photographs, working on old cars, or anything else they enjoy. They say repeatedly that they are happy to have more time to spend with the people they love. Relabeling can be done only by the person with the problem, not by anyone else, no matter how well-meaning the other person is. If June had told her son that being unable to drive means having more money to spend, he would have felt she was making light of his problem. Having your problems relabeled by someone else is usually annoying.
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